Our Song; New Hope

The first time I heard this song, a young lady's piano cover of Hikaru Utada's "Passion", I was sitting in the passenger seat of Jordan's car, outside a Chic-fil-a in Kansas City. It was October and rainy, with a slight chill in the air. It was just before sunset and we were just getting some dinner after spending a few hours playing Magic: The Gathering. It was a typical day for the most part. Except for one detail.

It was the first time we told each other we loved one another.

Well, more specifically, it was when we told each other we were willing to love one another despite the challenges coming up in the relationship. A year or so after we said it, we would be seperating and moving to different parts of the country. This fact scared us to death because we were developing deep feelings and "knew" we'd "have" to say goodbye. So, we acknowledged that we wouldn't say goodbye. We would accept our love and fight for it.

If only someone had told me where I'd be today.

Sorry about that. That's not the point of this entry. It's not a pity party, and I'm not trying to be sad. I'm actually incredibly happy and content sharing this memory and sharing this song for one big reason:

It's just a memory, and it's just a song.

Since he and I split a year ago, every time this song came on my IPod or ITunes, I would cringe, cry and crack my fingers trying to shut it off as fast as possible. The pain this song would bring is only out done by another song (one which I still can't mention or hear), and would bring up every good and bad memory of the relationship until I would be in tears and cathartic on the floor.

It just accidentally played on a youtube playlist I accidentally clicked, and do you know what I felt? In fact, can you guess what I said?

"Man, I really like this song. This girl has talent."

Never mind that I said it to my dog, and not an actual person. Never mind that the sound of my voice made me jump because my house is very quiet.

The point is that I heard this song and nothing happened except I had an appreciation for it. That amazes me and tells me that I've grown and got more past the pain of the break-up.

To quote the ending of the song: "My fears are lies...underneath a blue sky."

Hope :)